


The Tudors, Season 3, Episode 7, Protestant Anne of Cleves

by TheSomewhatRamblingReviewer



Category: The Tudors (TV)
Genre: Analysis, Episode Review, Episode: s03e07 Protestant Anne of Cleves, Meta, Nonfiction, Season/Series 03, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25966231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSomewhatRamblingReviewer/pseuds/TheSomewhatRamblingReviewer
Summary: Warning: Contains spoilers for the episode and the rest of the series. Complete.
Kudos: 4





	The Tudors, Season 3, Episode 7, Protestant Anne of Cleves

Open to Cromwell talking to Holbein. Yay!

Cromwell urges Holbein to paint as nice a picture of AC as he can even if he has to make the portrait an idealised rather than actual presentation of the subject.

Most historians agree this likely didn’t happen. Some think Holbein might have subconsciously idealised the portrait a bit due to fancying AC, and some suggest he didn’t bother including a few pockmarks on her skin due to what was likely standard procedure when painting people. Generally, however, it’s agreed he did an accurate portrait. Henry just wanted someone to blame for his agreement in marrying AC, and many people were happy to spread the rumour Cromwell had told Holbein to try to trick the king.

At a council meeting, Cromwell announces the French and the emperor are getting ready to attack England. Charles Brandon explains what’s been done to protect England, and Henry decides to start visiting the troops to encourage them.

After the meeting is dismissed, Tom and Francis discuss the fact they might be close to apprehending, and despite Henry’s order, killing Cardinal Pole.

Meanwhile, Edward asks Charles Brandon if they can talk in private, and Charles Brandon replies they can do so at some other time.

In Henry’s apartments, Cromwell shows Henry a miniature Holbein sent of AC. Henry characterises her as “pleasing”, and Cromwell informs him of some of the good things their ambassador has to say about her. He somewhat desperately explains why the marriage would be such a good thing.

Outside somewhere, a man sees some ships through his telescope. He calls his friend out, and they quickly light a beacon.

In Germany, AC’s brother and two Englishmen are talking, and he declares he thinks Henry should come to him to publicly bend down the knee to ask for permission to marry AC. He continues AC is formally betrothed to someone else. Announcing his sister isn’t a whore, he, then, declares Henry had better offer a better price for AC’s virginity.

He and Henry would either be the bestest buddies or the absolute worst of enemies if they were to meet.

Back in England, a messenger rushes into court to deliver a letter to Henry, and Henry gives it to Charles Brandon to read. There are 68 Imperial ships near England. The letter writer was taken aboard one of the ships, shown every courtesy, and assured the ships were heading for Spain rather than England.

Later, Henry and Eustace talk privately. Eustace says the emperor, despite his alliance with the French, still hates the French king. He suggests Henry marry the Duchess of Milan.

Angry, Henry declares he’ll no longer be a pawn between the emperor and French king. Eustace leaves, and Henry has another hissy fit.

Back in Germany, the two Englishmen inform AC’s brother Henry is willing to forgo the dowry due to his eagerness to marry AC. Henry’s also willing to pay a considerable stipend to join the German league. AC’s brother quickly declares AC’s betrothal to the other man was never ratified. He agrees to send German ambassadors to England. Once he leaves, the Englishmen laugh.

Back in England, Francis shows Tom an intercepted letter from Cardinal Pole he managed to decode. It reveals his current location, and they decide to go.

Meanwhile, Charles Brandon comes to talk to Edward. He wants them to forget their past quarrels to team up to destroy Cromwell. Edward agrees, and they decide to sabotage the marriage. They both acknowledge it’ll make Henry unhappy but agree this is a necessary sacrifice.

Elsewhere, Mary expresses her displeasure to Eustace about Henry marrying AC. Showing a bit of her historical fanaticism, she declares her wish for AC to drown at sea.

At a dark, rainy castle, two German men meet Charles Brandon and another Englishman. One of the Germans manages to ease the tensions by making a joke. Then, several women enter the court. One of them is a heavily veiled AC.

Charles Brandon says the trip will have to be postponed until the weather improves, and after an awkward silence, she suggests he could brief her on life at the English court. He smiles, but when she innocently suggests he also show her “something the king likes to do”, there’s a hilarious look on his face.

Naturally, his mind automatically went to sex, but he knows better.

Quickly managing to smile again, he nods his head.

The next scene has them, suitably chaperoned, at a table. He explains Henry likes to play cards. She’s now wearing a shorter, though still face-concealing, red veil. She says only the men play cards in her country. He decides to teach her a simple game, and there’s an exchange of about playing with hearts.

Some people think Charles Brandon and AC would have made an interesting couple for this show, but with respect for everyone else’s shipping preferences, I don’t ship them. They do have a sweet chemistry, but to me, it comes across more of the basis for an interesting friendship.

They’re both, in a sense, lost souls. She’s about to marry the man he’s been in love with since childhood, but unlike some of Henry’s wives, he doesn’t mind her. He’s become a haunted man. He has lost his way and become something of a foreigner in his own court. Meanwhile, she’s haunted by the fear of never being able to make her way in a foreign country.

She tentatively asks if the king always wins, and carefully, he answers Henry doesn’t like losing. Looking over at some nearby men, he quietly asks what she’s been told about Henry. Instead of answering, she asks what she should know.

Elsewhere, Tom and Francis greet a woman in a brothel. It turns out the cardinal she leads them to isn’t Pole, however. Naked aside from his cap with a similarly attired woman clinging to him, he makes the sign of the cross as he directs them to go with God.

Deciding he’ll make the most out of things first, Francis settles in to have some fun with the woman.

In a chapel, Cardinal Pole prays.

Back in England, Henry is disappointed Charles Brandon didn’t see AC’s face. They talk about Cardinal Pole, and Henry expresses fears about being impotent.

Not knowing of any safe response whatsoever to this, Charles Brandon decides to pretend he doesn’t understand Henry’s implications.

Henry decides he’s not going to wait the three days to see AC.

He and the others ride to where she is, and he bursts in.

As everyone has noted, Joss Stone is a beautiful woman. I also love her outfit in the scene.

Henry, however, is less-than-pleased. He kisses her, and being a virgin who’s never spent unchaperoned time with any men besides her male family members, she isn’t sure how to react.

I just want to let you know, you’re doing a wonderful job, awkward.

Finally, Henry hastily excuses himself.

Near tears, AC sits down. In German, she says to her ladies, “I should have taken more lessons from the Duke. English manners are very different from ours!”

This version of Henry wants a sexually experienced woman. This is why he falls so hard for Kitty-Kat. Aside from Margaret, Charles Brandon has never slept with anyone Henry would disapprove of him sleeping with, and he’s never competed with Henry for a woman.

Therefore, unfortunately for both of them, there’s nothing he could have taught her to make her more desirable to Henry.

In the court, Cromwell looks genuinely happy as he talks to some people, but the happiness doesn’t last. Storming in, Henry makes his displeasure with AC known. He calls a council meeting, and once assembled, he rants about being deceived. The virginal, well-mannered, beautiful Anne of Cleves is nothing like the reports of virginal, well-mannered princess he received.

He compares her appearance to a horse, and I remember reading a comment once about how, if the commenter were in Henry’s place, they’d be calling for a priest immediately once they laid eyes on AC.

Cromwell tries to throw the English ambassador under the bus, but he quickly blubbers he never saw AC properly. Apologetic, Cromwell still tries to push the marriage by explaining how bad of a move it would be for Henry to break the engagement.

Later, AC comes before Henry in court, and he kisses her. Smiling, she compliments his graciousness, and then, declares she’s happy. Clapping loudly, Crowmell is extremely relieved when the court follows suit. Heh.

Henry introduces her to Mary and Elizabeth. Mary gives a polite curtsey, and Elizabeth presents AC with flowers. Aw.

At supper, Henry complains some more to Charles Brandon. Despite his liking of AC, Charles Brandon is encouraging of Henry’s attempts to break the engagement. He comments Cromwell seems to be working extremely hard to force Henry into the marriage.

Next is a scene I quite like.

A delivery boy tries to steal some fruit from Cromwell’s desk before noticing Cromwell is nearby praying. He expresses curiosity about Cromwell praying outside of church. Cromwell explains God is accessible to everyone, and anyone can forge a connection with him, not just priests. God doesn’t care about rituals but about a person’s willing soul. Then, ordering the boy to think on what he’s been told, Cromwell gives him a piece of fruit.

For all the indefensible things Cromwell’s done, this scene does a good job of establishing the sympathetic aspects of his character. He genuinely cares about the welfare of the less fortunate, sincerely believes in both the religious reforms and the fact adopting them will help the poor, and these convictions are what drive him. Most portrayals of Cromwell have him as greedy and villainous, but I appreciate this show’s presentation of him as a person who, in a different time period, could potentially be a true humanist.

Later, dressed for his wedding day, Henry makes his displeasure to and with Cromwell clear. Cromwell suggests once Henry knows AC better- but Henry makes it clear the prospect of having sex with her isn’t a good one. He pushes Cromwell against the wall before storming out.

At the ceremony, Cromwell looks miserable but determined, Charles Brandon is stoic, and Anne Seymour is smirking. Both Henry and AC are formal and clearly off-put.

During the night, Henry and AC play cards before retiring to bed. Attempting to have sex with her, he’s unable to rise to the occasion, and her fear and lack of understanding of sex doesn’t help.

The next day, Cromwell tentatively asks how Henry likes AC. The answer is even less than before. Revealing he didn’t have sex with her, he states his disbelief she’s a virgin.

Anyone who reacted as AC did is an incredible actor, a nervous virgin, or someone suffering from sexual trauma. Joss Stone did wonderfully with this part, but her portrayal of AC is not one of the princess being an actress by any means.

He dismisses Cromwell.

At the Brandon home, CB discovers her husband and Edward talking. Sending her to bed, Charles Brandon asks if he can join her later.

She says she wants him to be her “sweet Charles”, and instead of explaining he was never really hers, he says he’s as good as he can be and that she needs to accept him for who he is. She starts to leave, but grabbing her arm, he desperately says, “I love you, Catherine.”

CB was part of his trying to grow up and temper his love for Henry. She was different from all the women he used to chase, and she was something of a sign of his redemption, a show of his slow change into a better man. He does love and respect her, but he’s never been in love with her. In addition, what he fears isn’t losing her but losing the love of someone who truly believes he is a good man.

In Henry’s chambers, a doctor treats his leg wound. The doctor subtly asks if Henry wants to vent, and Henry admits he’s not sexually attracted to AC.

Meanwhile, Cromwell visits AC.

Unlike smart Charles Brandon, he dangerously asks to talk to AC privately in her chambers.

He should have, at least, taken her to the dining hall or to the gardens and had her ladies stay within eyesight but out of earshot.

Agreeing, she dismisses her ladies, and see above. Both of these two are being dangerously foolish here.

Warning her not to antagonise Henry, he practically begs her to get pregnant as soon as possible.

AC doesn’t appreciate this, and unlike Henry with his numerous hissy fits, I genuinely feel sympathy for her here when she unloads.

She is trying her hardest to be a good wife and queen, but as she points out, she’s not the Virgin Mary, and Henry simply doesn’t want her. Continuing, she vents a bit about Henry himself. In English, she says, “I will do anything the king wants.” Switching to German, she continues, “The sore on his leg is bad. It oozes blood and pus. And it smells.” Repeating the part about it smelling in English, she asks if he understands.

Then, apologising for her outburst, she promises to continue trying to make Henry happy. Cromwell excuses himself.

Later, during the night, Lady Bryan asks AC about Henry, and there’s the historical answer of Henry kissing her, taking her hand, and bidding her good night and morning.

Suggesting AC is still a virgin, Lady Bryan explains exactly how sex works. AC defensively replies she’s happy with the attention Henry gives her. Then, she fearfully asks if Henry will kill her if she fails to please him. Giving her a pitying look, Lady Bryan doesn’t answer.

In the last scene, Henry still isn’t able to rise.

Fin.


End file.
